im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
