Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
