no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
