I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
