And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
