that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
