just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
