Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
