he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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