Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
