dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
