He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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