remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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