She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
