Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
