The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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