My nipple is on Facebook.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
