And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
