Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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