I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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