Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
only you would photoshop your dick
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
bring money and cleavage
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
