I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
