bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
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Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
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he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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