okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
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how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
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Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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