I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
