I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
