I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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