I showed him my bush... on skype.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
there is puke in my bra ... again
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
