id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
