i think my mom watched the whole time
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Houston, we have a blender
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
i think i just lost a toe
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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