Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
