did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
