oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
