Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(732): View more from New Jersey

note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better

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(732): note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better http://tfl.nu/x29k

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(207): View more from Maine

life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.

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(207): life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony. http://tfl.nu/6vet

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(330): View more from Ohio

I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.

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(330): I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical. http://tfl.nu/0rx8

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(443): View more from Maryland

One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.

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(443): One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done. http://tfl.nu/o8ax

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(315): View more from New York

THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!

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(315): THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!! http://tfl.nu/7uwm

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(907): View more from Alaska

everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.

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(907): everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort. http://tfl.nu/2zhz

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(416): View more from Toronto

sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.

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(416): sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you. http://tfl.nu/2uqq

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.

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(832): My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking. http://tfl.nu/1gc1

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was

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(920): We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was http://tfl.nu/2xqa

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(303): View more from Colorado

I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.

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(303): I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub. http://tfl.nu/lnap

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(719): View more from Colorado

As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.

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(719): As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF. http://tfl.nu/ti4u

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(270): View more from Kentucky

My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"

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(270): My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50" http://tfl.nu/q36v

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(541): View more from Oregon

One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.

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(541): One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse. http://tfl.nu/w6rf

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(360): View more from Washington

I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.

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(360): I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job. http://tfl.nu/8nby

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(760): View more from California

He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.

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(760): He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative. http://tfl.nu/28jo

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