New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.