I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist