I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me