We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
It's blow job season.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.