So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm experimenting with sincerity
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.