Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
