Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
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strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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