did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
