you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
