So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Congratulations! We have a period
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