My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
