I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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