If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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