4 words: hood of his car
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
