I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
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