You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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