Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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