dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Just cropdusted the office
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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