worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
