I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
