i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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