Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
