She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
