Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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