I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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