Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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