well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
