dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
try to milk me bitch
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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