dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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