Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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