why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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