this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Randomize
