dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
