I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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