he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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