So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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