I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
